Brabus Rocket 900 Desert Gold Edition

If bigger is better, than there’s no question this car is topping a chart or ten. The notion that the current Mercedes-Benz S65 AMG for sale isn’t somehow extravagant enough is mind boggling, but clearly there’s a market for people who aren’t impressed by space travel, large-scale demolition or volcanic eruptions. Germany’s Brabus appreciates these people and their desires to reign long atop of Olympus, and has designed a car that makes the most modest people cringe on the inside. Frankly, if this car isn’t owned by some modern-day iteration of Andrew Dice Clay or a sheik with Corinthian columns lining his garage, this haughty concoction hasn’t lived up to its potential. Thankfully, there’s enough demand for this rolling testimony to the ego, and you can’t help but respect Brabus for making it.

The S65’s turbocharged V12 comes from the factory with enough power to make most people giggle childishly, and the relentless wave of torque will rearrange your wife’s painfully-crafted pompadour in a second. It is a relatively docile Benz after all, but owners of 911 Turbos will tell you that the 12-cylinder AMGs possess a level of acceleration that commands respect. Though there’s more to their design than sheer engine output, the owners will focus mainly on bling and horsepower, so let’s start there.

The Rocket 900 bumps power from from a plebeian 621 horsepower and 738 lb-ft of torque to 888 horsepower and 1,106 lb-ft. Is this a sedan or a train? In most applications, the torque output has to be limited as even the stickiest road tires will struggle to put down a fraction of that churning force. With the curb weight and the front-engine, rear-drive layout, the car won’t be jumping off the line with any real athleticism, but it will shine at freeway speeds where traction is less of an issue and the earthmover engine gets to stretch its legs. For the record, it is reputed to reach 120 mph in 9 seconds.

Gains are achieved through adding a custom crankshaft, boring the cylinders out to gain .3 of a liter collectively, forged conrods and stronger pistons get thrown in there. The turbos grow, the exhaust is bigger and freer-flowing and the intake is even lined with gold – in this instance to reflect engine temperatures and cool the intake charge. Gold is the defining aesthetic element here, and, predictably, it lines the car’s interior like a Pharaoh’s sarcophagus.

Quilted leather, standard with the S65, gets a bit of opulent tweaking with gold stitching everywhere, and the accents of the dash, center console, steering wheel and door trim getting the shiny treatment as well. The air conditioning vents even get emblazoned with a luminescent gold covering and in case your passengers forgot how much power your golden chariot possesses, it’s written on the headrest in – you guessed it – bright gold stitching.

The Brabus wears 21-inch gold rims with 235- and 295-section tires front and rear, respectively. This modest tire sizing is to ensure comfort and though the massive wheels will surely compromise the ride quality somewhat, they do make a statement. This car is an executive limousine for some of the least pragmatic or reserved people on this planet, but the compliant air suspension will keep their massive heads from bobbing up and down ungracefully in the cabin.

Comfort and security are tantamount to sheer showiness here, but since this is a Brabus product, each department has been addressed. Since this car can achieve 217 mph, the German tuner has added carbon diffusers and spoilers to ensure this shining sled remains stable at speed. It has to be said that the carbon accents go well with the gold paint scheme and give it a real Louis Vuitton-look.

Related: 2013 Mercedes-Benz SL63 AMG BRABUS

Considering how the already-pricey S65 requires a good quarter-million dollars to become a Rocket 900, the additional gold paint scheme and accompanying accessories makes the Desert Gold car accessible to a select few. That is the point though. What car screams “eminent magnate” more than a gold S-class with bigger wheels, a noisy exhaust and naked carbon accents? You’ve got me.